Managing Conflicts at Work Place

There can  be various kinds of conflicts at your work place and we can categorize them mainly as below.

1. Disagreements on turf

2. Disagreements over policy

3. conflicts based on personality and style

Naturally, we try to deal with the conflicts in following ways.

1. Try to avoid the conflict

2. Wait till the conflict go away

3. Try to change the topic related to the conflict.

4. Becomes aggressive, frightened, emotional

5. Blame someone

But the main issue is all of these methods of dealing with conflicts actually gives you no solution so they are called non productive responses. Due to this it is important to learn conflict resolution skills main two of them are explained below.

1. Active listening

This is a very good and effective skill to conflict resolution as it allows you to show that you understands others feelings. In active listening you have to restate in your words what other person said. Active listening is very important to develop interpersonal skills as you can verify what you have understood is correct and also you can show that you are interested and concerned about others opinions.

2. Conflict De-escalation

First should think about the actions for De-escalation.  

1. soften your tone.

2. Take breaks to cool down your self and others.

3. Should avoid name callings and put downs.

4. Should acknowledge others opinions.

In this way it is possible to resolve the conflicts at work place by following these two main conflict resolution skills.

Win Win Approach - A conflict resolution skill

This approach is all about a conflict resolution skill in which the conflict is changed from resistance to co-operation. Simply thinking as partners rather than opponents. This great shift of attitude changes the whole communication structure. 

If one person can use the joint problem solving method continuously, it can make a difference. It is usually unaware by the people in conflict the way they argue and find themselves with rash reactions in certain conditions until they give the attention. 

Normally in a challenging environment, we feel separateness from other around us and get the feeling of either you or me where if one is correct the other one is definitely wrong. This makes it difficult for us to know the best method to apply.

One of the win win trick is to change the situation by discussing the primary needs rather than finding solutions. Giving concentration to each person's needs leads to build a solution that fulfills the needs of all involved. 

Strategies involved in win win approach

1. Address Primary needs

2. Recognize the differences of others

3. openness to adapt to others positions with shared attitudes

4. Attack the problem accept people 

This is an ethical approach. Therefore it has achieved a great success as it actually WORKS.

Conflict Types

We can evaluate a conflict on the basis of five categories as discussed below.

• Relationship Conflicts-  These conflicts arise because of the presence of strong negative emotions, mis perceptions or stereotypes, poor communication or mis communication or repetitive negative behaviors. Relationship problems often fuel conflict and lead to an escalating spiral of destructive conflict unnecessarily. 
• Data conflicts- This conflict occur when people lack the information necessary to make informed decisions, disagreements on the relevant data, interpret information differently. Some data conflicts may be unnecessary because they are caused by poor communication between people in conflict.
• Conflict of interest- The are caused by competition on perceived needs incompatible. Conflicts of interest result when one or more of the parties believes that to meet their needs and interests, an opponent's interests must be scarified. 
• Structural conflicts- These are caused by external forces. Limited physical resources or authority, geographic constraints, time organizational changes can make structural conflicts seem like a crisis.

Conflict styles and their consequences

Conflicts are often best understood by examining the consequences of various behaviors in moments in time. These behaviors are classified according to the benefit of conflict styles. Each style is designed to meet their needs in dispute, but may affect other people in different ways.

• The Contest is the style in which someones own needs are being promoted to the needs of others. It relies on an aggressive style of communication, lack of consideration for future relations, and the exercise of coercive measures. Those who use the competitive style tend to seek control of the discussion in the text basic rules. That fear the loss of control will result in solutions that do not meet their needs. Competition often leads to responses that increase the threat level.
• Adaption, also known as smoothing, is the antithesis of competition. People who use this style of action to meet their needs other people, trying to be diplomatic. They tend to leave the group must submerge their own, which never can say that the behavior of the compound is considered the most important. 
• Avoid common response to the negative perception of the conflict. Like cancer, which could be cured if treated early, the conflict grows and spreads until it kills the relationship. Since the needs and concerns are unspoken, people are often confused, wondering what had happened in the relationship.
• Collaborator is to combine the individual needs and goals towards a common goal. Often called "win-win, problem solving, communication requires cooperation and collaboration assertive in order to achieve a better solution than any individual could achieve alone. It offers the possibility of consensus, the need for integration and the potential to exceed". 

Avoid conflicts by Embracing them

Conflict is some thing that causes a lot of stress, and it occurs on many scales. It can range from small conflicts between members of family or friends to large conflicts between countries. Regardless of its scale, conflict is a source of stress which can sometimes be deadly.

Therefore it i really important to avoid conflicts in your life, and the best way to avoid conflicts is expect and embrace it. Let us find how to avoid conflicts by embracing it. It is first important to understand that you can not really avoid conflicts with other people. As long as you work and live with others you should expect to have conflicts and disagreements. There are no two people in this world that see eye-to-eye on everything and this will naturally leads to conflicts. Bu using the expression "Embrace conflict", mans that avoiding conflicts by expecting and dealing with them.

Normally passive people do not follow this.They try everything in their power to avoid conflict, but this only creates feelings of tension, resentment and stress within them, and once they finally do attempt to resolve it, it will often come in the form of them exploding or being overly aggressive. This of course is counter productive. An aggressive person will embrace conflict by going out looking for it, which is equally bad. The best way to avoid conflict is to expect it and embrace it, but you do not want to go looking to trouble.

It is always important to avoid hitting your listener with too much information at once. Some people define assertiveness as hitting their listeners with so much information and facts that they are compelled to see  things form their point of view. While this form of behavior may sound logical at first, but it actually is not.

The only time that people would accept what you are saying is once they are interested in accepting it. Even when it appears that people accept your bull dozing, they will generally do it to agree with you, and then will avoid you or your recommendations once they get the chance.

It is also best to avoid arguing with  people.  An assertive person is someone who can often get their point across without a lot of bickering. Remember there is no such thing as "winning an argument". Even when it appears that you have won, you will typically only increase feelings of resentments in the person you are arguing with, and this is crucially important.

When you convince someone of something, and it is against their will, they will still maintain the same opinion. It is always important to make people accept an idea by making it something they are attracted to.

Bickering with people achieves nothing, and will often cause far more harm than good. It is also important to make use of patience while avoiding bumping heads with people. You do not want to be too eager, as it is important to move towards your objective carefully.

You also do not want to find collide with the person you are trying to work with. You should be wise enough to avoid sore spots in the people you deal with, as this could be costly to your relationship.

If you can combine positive aspects of multiple people in order to come up with something that is valuable and important. This will definitely give you a powerful edge.

Skills required to solve problems related to relationship

Don't let your relationships to ruin your life. Learn from your problems and use them to strengthen a love relationship. According to research. it is possible to have a troubled relationship if your parents too had a bad relationship with each other. We are born and brought up in a society where there is no formal education for solving relationships problems. It is up to us to keep a relationship in good condition. Therefore the ability to solve any conflicts can be the key that makes a relationship works well.

Some of the skills needed to make a relationship work

Communication-

It is vital to communicate with one another, even if you have had a fight. The lack of communication may lead to serious problems and misunderstandings. 

Attitude- 

Do not show indifference towards your partner's behavior. An indifference attitude can  really break a relationship that ultimately ends in a divorce. For Example, If you have had a horrible fight and your partner is all in tears make the effort to pacify her, or show in some subtle way that you too are feeling terrible about the brawl. Do not be indifferent, even though it is the easiest way to get out of a sticky situation.

Share-

For all the men, do not let the male ego stop you from doing household chores. If your partner is sharing your financial responsibilities, it is your duty to contribute to domestic tasks. Sharing both your duty and love will work wonders for improving your relationship.

Control-

Have a control over your feelings, Don't jump the wall whenever you feel like it. Let the moment of anger pass. Never lash out at your partner in public places, as such incidents will always bear an ugly mark on your relationship all throughout in your life. Learn to control your anger and aggression.

Be Honest-

Don't Lie unnecessarily, that will take away the trust from a relationship. And such a relationship usually meets a sorry end.

Finally, Do not let all the problems get to your head. Life is a process of dealing with trials and tribulations. You have to gain control over your life. Approach any problem as a team and see the end of it. In fact see them as an opportunity to bind together. Use successful problem solving skills to drive away challenging situations. That will keep your love life really alive and resonating with love, care, trust and mutual respect.  

The Seven Deadly Sins of a Relationship

  1  Resentment. 

This is a poison that starts as something small (”He didn’t get a new roll of toilet paper” or “She doesn’t wash her dishes after she eats”) and builds up into something big. Resentment is dangerous because it often flies under our radar, so that we don’t even notice we have the resentment, and our partner doesn’t realize that there’s anything wrong. If you ever notice yourself having resentment, you need to address this immediately, before it gets worse. Cut it off while it’s small. There are two good ways to deal with resentment: 1) breathe, and just let it go — accept your partner for who she/he is, faults and all; none of us is perfect; or 2) talk to your partner about it if you cannot accept it, and try to come up with a solution that works for both of you (not just for you); try to talk to them in a non-confrontational way, but in a way that expresses how you feel without being accusatory.

2  Jealousy.

It’s hard to control jealousy if you feel it, I know. It seems to happen by itself, out of our control, unbidden and unwanted. However, jealousy, like resentment, is relationship poison. A little jealousy is fine, but when it gets to a certain level it turns into a need to control your partner, and turns into unnecessary fights, and makes both parties unhappy. If you have problems with jealousy (like I once did), instead of trying to control them it’s important that you examine and deal with the root issue, which is usually insecurity. That insecurity might be tied to your childhood (abandonment by a parent, for example), in a past relationship where you got hurt, or in an incident or incidents in the past of your current relationship.

3 Unrealistic expectations.

 Often we have an idea of what our partner should be like. We might expect them to clean up after themselves, to be considerate, to always think of us first, to surprise us, to support us, to always have a smile, to work hard and not be lazy. Not necessarily these expectations, but almost always we have expectations of our partner. Having some expectations is fine — we should expect our partner to be faithful, for example. But sometimes, without realizing it ourselves, we have expectations that are too high to meet. Our partner isn’t perfect — no one is. We can’t expect them to be cheerful and loving every minute of the day — everyone has their moods. We can’t expect them to always think of us, as they will obviously think of themselves or others sometimes too. We can’t expect them to be exactly as we are, as everyone is different. High expectations lead to disappointment and frustration, especially if we do not communicate these expectations. How can we expect our partner to meet these expectations if they don’t know about them? The remedy is to lower your expectations — allow your partner to be himself/herself, and accept and love them for that. What basic expectations we do have, we must communicate clearly.

4 Not making time.

 This is a problem with couples who have kids, but also with other couples who get caught up in work or hobbies or friends and family or other passions. Couples who don’t spend time alone together will drift apart. And while spending time together when you’re with the kids or other friends and family is a good thing, it’s important that you have time alone together. Can’t find time with all the things you have going on — work and kids and all the other stuff? Make time. Seriously — make the time. It can be done. I do it — I just make sure that this time with my wife is a priority, and I’ll drop just about anything else to make the time. Get a babysitter, drop a couple commitments, put off work for a day, and go on a date. It doesn’t have to be an expensive date — some time in nature, or exercising together, or watching a DVD and having a home-cooked dinner, are all good options. And when you’re together, make an effort to connect, not just be together.

 5 Lack of communication.

 This sin affects all the others on this list — it’s been said many times before, but it’s true: good communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you are jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your partner, you must communicate them. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must communicate them and work them out. Communication doesn’t just mean talking or arguing — good communication is honest without being attacking or blaming. Communicate your feelings — being hurt, frustrated, sorry, scared, sad, happy — rather than criticizing. Communicate a desire to work out a solution that works for you both, a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change. And communicate more than just problems — communicate the good things too (see below for more).

 6   Not showing gratitude. 

Sometimes there are no real problems in a relationship, such as resentment or jealousy or unrealistic expectations — but there is also no expression of the good things about your partner either. This lack of gratitude and appreciation is just as bad as the problems, because without it your partner will feel like he or she is being taken for granted. Every person wants to be appreciated for all they do. And while you might have some problems with what your partner does (see above), you should also realize that your partner does good things too. Does she wash your dishes or cook you something you like? Does he clean up after you or support you in your job? Take the time to say thank you, and give a hug and kiss. This little expression can go a long way.

  7  Lack of affection. Similarly, everything else can be going right, including the expression of gratitude, but if there is no affection among partners then there is serious trouble. In effect, the relationship is drifting towards a platonic status. That might be better than many relationships that have serious problems, but it’s not a good thing. Affection is important –everyone needs some of it, especially from someone we love. Take the time, every single day, to give affection to your partner. Greet her when she comes home from work with a tight hug. Wake him up with a passionate kiss (who cares about morning breath!). Sneak up behind her and kiss her on the neck. Make out in the movie theater like teen-agers. Caress his back and neck while watching TV. Smile at her often.

8 Bonus sin: Stubbornness. 

This wasn’t on my original list but I just thought about it before publishing this post, and had to add it in. Every relationship will have problems and arguments — but it’s important that you learn to work out these problems after cooling down a bit. Unfortunately, many of us are too stubborn to even talk about things. Perhaps we always want to be right. Perhaps we never want to admit that we made a mistake. Perhaps we don’t like to say we’re sorry. Perhaps we don’t like to compromise. I’ve done all of these things — but I’ve learned over the years that this is just childish. When I find myself being stubborn these days, I try to get over this childishness and suck it up and put away my ego and say I’m sorry. Talk about the problem and work it out. Don’t be afraid to be the first one to apologize. Then move past it to better things.